Its been a long and adventurous 80 days around the world, now its back to London where I may or may not be arrested for a crime I did not commit. But first, a trip to my local pub for a nice, warm, real ale. I parked my balloon in a field a few miles away so I don't get swarmed right away. The people in the pub cant tell their left from their right so I am not worried about them noticing me. I walk into the pub and the smell of it burns my nose hairs, I am home. The usuals are sitting at their tables, stains everywhere on their clothes and fly's swarming. As soon as I walk in I see my favorite barmaid, her hair up in a bun and as shiny and brown as possible, the usual. Her curvy figure and perfect smile, I don't understand why she is a barmaid still to this day. I am instantly greeted by her at the bar and she hands me my ale as soon as I sit down. A few minutes pass and a ruckus starts up, my balloon has been spotted. I hop over the bar and under the bar maids dress, I know very ungentleman like of me. She jumps and screams " What in the boldly hell are you doing?" before I can reply I am back under her dress and the guards come storming in. "It has come to our attention that Phleas Fogg has returned but no one knows his whereabouts. If any of you know this is your chance to speak up." Some burps and farts escape but no one says anything, you have to buy them a beer first. One lad jumps up and walks towards the guard, points in my general direction, now Im doomed. The guard walks over to the bar and sees my foot, thats when I take action. I hop out of the dress, over the bar and deck him in his face. Oops. Luckily theres only two. The other comes storming at me but knocks over someones beer, now he's done it. Worst mistake of his life."Oie, you've knocked me beer over you wanker!' he shouts. The guard stops in his track and kicks the whole table over, now he's really done it.Every one in the bar starts attacking him, less for me to do. I still have to handle this old lad. He grabs me by the leg, knocks me too the floor and begins to repeatedly punch me. Next thing I know theres broken glass all around me. I open my eyes in time to see the guards eyes roll up into the back of his head, I roll out of the way just before he crashed to the ground. As soon as he's down I see my favorite bar maid with the handle to a glass in her hand and a cheeky grin on her face. "Ive always wanted to do that" she screeches. By the time I have my guard down the other is hung up by his underpants on a busted stain rail, out cold. I then can enjoy my ale. As soon as I sit down my stomach makes the most god awful growl, great Im hungry. All of a sudden I know what I want. I want pork rinds, no wait, Twiglets, I want Twiglets, or do I want crisps? Due to all that traveling and fighting I decide on all of them. I hand over my money to the barmaid, I really should learn her name, and give her my order. All three sit in front of me now, where do I start..... Oh I know! I ask for a dish. I then proceed to pour all the contents of each snack into the bowl. Grab a handful and have never been as delighted to eat all of them at once. I take a sip of my even warmer pale ale and realize this is perfect. All 3 snacks go great with my favorite drink. I should patent this but what do I call them?
"Oie, barmaid" I shout.
"You bloody cheekie bastard, learn my name!" she responds.
Fine. "What is your name?' I ask but she never says.
"You've lost your chance now you wanker." she responds.
"You come in here for your cheekie beer and a cheekie snack and expect me to answer to barmaid over and over again!?" she continues to shout unnecessary content to me and it hits me. Beer Cheekies! I'll call them Beer Cheekies.
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